If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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