Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
did i walk over a car last night?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
