Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
