he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
