Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
