You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize