I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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