what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
