i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
