i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
