is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
