Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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