I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think your dad took our porno
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
