can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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