I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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