Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
