We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
