I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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