my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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