i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
