You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
