gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize