so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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