So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wish there were birth control emojis
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize