big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
