did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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