My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize