there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
