SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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