I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
