remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
