I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
