I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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