So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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