A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
