i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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