True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm having to shit out rocks
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
