are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
sex in a hospital.. check
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
