I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize