I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
