Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
