so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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