it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
