I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
