there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
