My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
