One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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