Princesses don't give blow jobs
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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