you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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