Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
