Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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