I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
