hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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