So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
