you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
