just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
