I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
