When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize