i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
