Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
