he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize