woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
