ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize