I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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