while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
