That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
