He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
