You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
