We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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