I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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