you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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