his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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