So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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