Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
