Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
