im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
