I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
