There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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