I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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