Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
