She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
