If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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