why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
