i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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