Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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