I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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