? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize