He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
