I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
