The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
