Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
