:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize