I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
