Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
