Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize