Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
