It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
