I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He kissed a someone with a penis
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
