How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
