I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
