Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
