Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
