he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize