every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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