I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
