she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
