I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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